I have been a dating coach for over ten years and have worked with many people who have been dumped by someone they were involved with. Most of these people feel like they don’t know what to do next and don’t want to go through another breakup. In this article, we will discuss whether the dumpee is afraid to contact the dumper or not and what they feel after breaking up.
In summary, most dumpers are not frightened to get in touch with their ex-partners. Most individuals mistakenly believe they are terrified of touch when, in reality, they are merely succumbing to their inherent avoidant inclinations.
Are Dumpers Afraid To Contact?
Someone has broken up with you. Perhaps a few months have passed following the split, and your ex hasn’t been in touch with you throughout that period.
In fact, despite your best efforts to be polite, you’ve tried reaching out a couple of times with no luck. It’s as if you weren’t even there. You are left wondering if they felt anything throughout your time spent with them.
Understanding this fundamental idea about dismissive avoidants will help you understand why they become so aloof after breaking up with you.
They believed that they had recently left the relationship. They do not want to rehash any of the preconceived assumptions they already have about you. In the end, they decide it’s simpler not to contact you at all once they dump you.
Certain people would interpret this as fear, and in some cases, they might be partially correct. Still, in my opinion, most avoidant dumpers find it more convenient to avoid you because they don’t want to subject themselves to stress further.
No Contact On Dumper Vs Dumpee: Comparison
You don’t know why you were dumped, but you do know that you want to get back together with your ex. So you reach out to them. But instead of responding, they’ve blocked you. This is called a “dumper.” But what if you were the one who got dumped? What would you do? Would you reach out to your ex or just let them go?
You should thus learn more about the no-contact phases and prepare for a challenging trip. Although understanding more about it can help you see things more clearly, it won’t be simple. Let’s learn more below!
Dumper
1. Breakthrough
It may also be challenging to decide to stop a relationship with someone. However, because he was the one who brought it up in the first place, he is held responsible. Because it is not an easy decision, this might place a lot of strain on him.
It makes no difference if the relationship was short-lived or whether you were both in it for the long haul. In either case, leaving can have ramifications for both of you.
Your ex most likely deliberated long and hard before making this decision. This is likely why he believes this was a watershed moment for him. At this time, he’ll appear relieved and filled with reassurance.
2. Inquisitive mind
After dealing with the knowledge that he has ended things with you, your sense of independence may begin to dwindle. Your ex may be perplexed as to why you aren’t attempting to contact him.
He could be interested in your new life and whether you’ve met someone to share your troubles with. This might transport him back to the pleasant moments you shared and elicit a wide range of feelings.
However, he will most likely maintain his charade because displaying interest is a sign of weakness. While this may bruise his ego, he can’t allow himself to ponder about you because he was the one who started it all.
3. Perplexity
Because you’re both attempting to figure things out, confusion is a terrific element of the no-touch rule. Everything is new to you, and your current existence has little resemblance to the one you lived in while you were in a partnership.
You’re happy together one minute, and then you’re both on your picking up the broken pieces the next. Heartbreak is difficult, and everyone feels it differently.
However, by the time you regain consciousness, the dumper will still be trapped in the exact location. This may perplex your ex, and he may begin to reconsider his decision.
Furthermore, he doesn’t understand why you’re not contacting or messaging him. After all, he dumped you and expected you to be heartbroken and miss him terribly.
4. Skepticism
When he sees you doing well without him, he may experience various emotions. He didn’t believe you’d get over him so quickly, and he’s struggling to accept it.
Moving on takes a lot of guts, especially if you’ve been dumped. This may even make him envious since he lacks your confidence. Furthermore, he may be upset with you or perhaps with himself because of how things ended.
Never in his wildest fantasies did he imagine himself as the one who dealt with the split the worst. He could even try to contact you at this point to check whether you’re faking it or if you’re genuinely going forward.
The idea that you’re gradually embracing his decision and learning to be happy again might be frightening for him. Also, he can begin to fear and reconsider his options, but it’s too late.
5. Actualization
Your ex may call you at any moment. When he learns it won’t happen, he gets worried. He can’t believe it.
Funny how people only recognize what they’ve done later. The dumper almost reconsiders during no contact rule periods. This is when he decides to stay busy to avoid exhibiting vulnerability. In fact, he cut you off!
It’s ludicrous that someone would be angry about leaving their sweetheart, but it happens. Part of it is his envy when he sees you living without him.
He’s used to being the center of your world and doesn’t realize you’re ahead. If he contacts you, refuse.
Dumpee
1. Retreat
After a breakup, you may feel like you’ve lost and are retreating. Don’t surrender yet. This is the hardest period since it follows the breakup. Going home to a bed, you used to share is heartbreaking and might feel like the end of the world.
It’s acceptable to feel down, but you must stay strong. Heartbroken people typically desire to be left alone and escape to their homes.
You can give your buddy’s attitude and block out your family because you’re so upset. Despite being irritating and aggressive, they’re just trying to assist.
Happy recollections and hours spent together may cause you to contact your ex. To circumvent this, implement the no contact rule.
Avoid themes that remind you of him. Whatever it takes, stop thinking about the one who crushed your heart. You might despise this period at first. Everything takes time, and one day you’ll laugh about it.
2. Doubt
A breakup may be difficult, especially if you’re not the starter. An abrupt farewell might make your knees collapse.
Things might go poorly, and self-doubt can rise. You may wonder what you could’ve done differently, better, etc. These are typical reactions to your ex’s rejection; don’t feel bad. You can’t let insecurity take over for too long.
These thoughts might mesmerize you before you know it. Your mind may be stuck. You’ve done nothing wrong; focus on healing.
3. Acceptance
You’ll eventually realize your relationship is finished, even if it seems unreal. You’ll understand you couldn’t have done anything to change your position.
When you realize it, an emotional tsunami hits you. You’ll accept reality despite being upset and move on.
No contact isn’t a good method to get your ex back at this stage. You’ll see it as a chance to refocus. As a dumpee, you may feel puzzled and relieved at this moment.
4. No-contact healing method
This may seem impossible, but you have to believe it. How long you’ll need to heal after ending a relationship is uncertain. Everyone copes with loss differently. This stage means you should take your time. You can distract yourself with a new interest.
Healing is one stage of no interaction where you need aid—more time with friends, family picnics, and enjoying life can help. Do anything you want, but be sure it doesn’t bring you back down. You may miss your ex, but you’ll know no contact is better.
5. Self-preservation
After being dumped, you deserve a fresh start. This involves setting priorities and focusing on yourself.
Don’t worry about long-term relationships becoming a habit. Both sides have doorknobs. The same way this relationship entered your life, it will leave it. Not having a partner doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy life. Don’t hurry into a new relationship; recover first.
How Does a Dumper Feel After A Period Of Time Break-Up?
After a month
After a month, the dumper experiences either joy or regret. It entirely depends on how genuine the connection was.
There will be remorse if the relationship is genuine and both partners put out the effort. Conversely, an extremely content dumper results from minimal effort or misuse.
After 2 months
In the two months following a breakup, people may experience numbness, disconnectedness, and meaninglessness, which may be hard to conceal.
After 3 months
Three months have passed since the breakup, and the dumper feels pretty good. They don’t think about their ex very often, and when they do, it’s mainly with relief that they’re over their ex. Though there are still some bad days, their mood is generally positive.
Psychology Of No Contact On Male And Female Dumpers
Are there any differences between the psychology of male and female dumpers? In general, the distinct gender can have unique feelings after breaking up with their ex. Let’s explore below!
Male dumper
You are mistaken if you believe that men find it simpler to move on from a breakup, even if they were the ones who started it. The psychology of male dumpers who avoid contact is the same as female dumpers who avoid contact.
Additionally, the male dumper needs time to recover and consider the future. Since most men aren’t accustomed to talking about their feelings with family and friends, it could be more difficult for them to deal with.
If the male dumper’s ex is the only confidante he has had for the longest period, the stages of no contact become more difficult for him.
Males find it difficult to maintain the no contact dumper stance, but they must if they want it to succeed. Do not forget that there is no timeline for the psychology of no contact on the dumper.
While some guys may bounce back several days after a breakup, some men might take longer to heal than others. Others could assert that they have moved on but then contradict themselves by breaking the no contact rule.
Take your time, then. It’s challenging, but if you don’t use this opportunity to reflect, care for yourself more, and put in the effort to improve who you are without a romantic partner, it will be even more challenging.
Female dumper
Studies show that a breakup has a greater detrimental effect on women. Whether they started it or not is irrelevant. After a breakup, most women experience a trying period of emotional turmoil.
In contrast to the mentality of the male dumper, women recover more quickly and emerge stronger. This can result from the fact that most of them have supportive networks, making it simpler for them to be vulnerable with their family and peers.
FAQs
Should dumpee reach out to the dumper?
In most circumstances, the dumpee has the right to decide when the no-contact rule should be breached, although this is usually reserved for those who need time to get over their ex. If you both ended things on good terms, it’s OK to contact each other anytime you want.
How long does it take for a dumper to regret?
It depends on how long they were together and how much they liked or loved their companion. Maybe not if they were just with them for a few days or weeks, but they might be able to if it was for a while—say, a few years.
Why does the dumper move on faster?
If your ex had a secure attachment to you and you split up, they were significantly more likely to get over it fast than someone with another attachment pattern.
They are so solid and self-assured that they know that there is much more to them than just their connection.
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Tracy M. Hall was born in 1995 and studies society, human behavior, and mentality. She’s captivated by people’s interactions and motivations. After studying sociology, she got a Ph.D. in social psychology from Carnegie Mellon University. She wrote about human interaction, separation, and the future.
Tracy M. Hall is a social butterfly who likes meeting new people. She’s a superb listener and often acts as a confidante or mediator, eager to help others. Tracy’s life is an open book; Tracy shares her experiences to benefit others. She’s a natural optimist who feels everyone has something to offer and loves helping others realize their best.
Tracy M. Hall volunteered with mental health groups for years. She’s dedicated to destigmatizing mental illness and assisting.